FEAR

Since yesterday, I’ve had an overwhelming amount of fear consume me.  Before I go into that I’m going to finish about the floors.

After finishing the floors, we were inspired and decided to buy new furniture.  We bought a new sofa and two chairs.  Pics to come!  We also took a trip to IKEA.  If you’ve never been, I highly recommend going!  We have every room in the house planned, including the baby room.

This week has gone okay, could have been better.  Cameron is now throwing class A fits which include throwing his whole body on the floor and screaming.  We don’t mind too much though, we let him work it out on his own.  That’s all we can do…and maybe not take him into public…lol. J/k.

So, this is difficult for me to write.  This blog has become some form of therapy for me and has helped me to deal with things I haven’t before.  My goal is not to scare anyone but to share my experiences.  I need to get this off my chest.

Thursday I had my second appointment with maternal fetal medicine.  My first appointment was 2 weeks prior in which they measured my cervical length (thickness).  I was measured at 3.5cm.  Cervical length is important because the cervix is the muscular wall (entrance) to the uterus.  It stays closed and thick during a pregnancy to protect the uterus/hold the fetus in.  It’s a very strong muscle.  When you go into labor, your cervix will thing (soften as well) and begin to open.  Average cervical length for a 34 week pregnant mother is 3.5cm.  So during early portions of pregnancy, cervical length can vary from 3-5cm.  With all of that being said, my cervix was great at that first appointment.

I went to my appointment on Thursday and I’m still not sure how to handle/process the news.  Up until Thursday, I have been very optimistic about this time around.  I figured/thought/expected I would at least make it to 30 weeks.  We know what happens then and how to handle it.  My cervix is now at 2.9cm.  The MFM said 2.9cm is still good and 2.5cm is when they “worry”.  At this point, I still find it unacceptable that the fact that my cervix has shortened is okay.  Ok, so, 2.9cm is fine but I am not going to feel better until my next appointment in 2 weeks and that it has stayed the same.  I am flat out worried.  I’m only 19 weeks pregnant and following my previous trend and how fast things happened with Cameron means that this baby could be born earlier than 30 weeks.  The worst part of all of it is that there isn’t anything I can do.

If my cervix shortens to 2 or less cm before I’m 23 weeks, then I ‘m looking at a cerclage (suture to hold my cervix shut).  This comes with its own risks such as being put under general anesthesia and getting an epidural (both required to place the cerclage), them introducing infection when they place it, accidentally breaking my water, or my body rejecting it (since it’s a foreign body).  At 23 weeks a baby is considered viable.  What happens if I shorten right after 23 weeks?  Having a baby less than 30 weeks seems unreal to me.  There are so many complications that can follow.  I’m so overwhelmed.  I’m trying not to worry but how can I not?  The worst thought that keeps circling my mind is the thought of losing Carter.  It’s a horrifying thought.  I don’t think I’m strong enough to handle that.   Two weeks could not come fast enough.  I’m praying I make it at least 30 weeks. At least.

Getting the Floors Refinished

The Monday after Christmas we took Cameron down to Cincinnati so that he could stay with Andy's mom for the week and we could have time to spend with them for Christmas. It was a nice day besides that fact that I had to leave Cam down there for a week. I cried on the drive back up to Columbus of course. 

Monday was also the day the company started refinishing the floors. If you have never seen the process of a full refinish on wood floors, it's very interesting and time consuming, not to mention MESSY. We got back home, they had taped plastice over the counter tops and applicances and did the intial first over with the sander. There was dust everywhere. The floors were shocking to see! My floors before looked like a nice amber or honey color, now were white! I had no idea. The two messy bedrooms that needed refinished (that I thought were permanantly damaged) were perfect. I was super excited! Oh, and it smelled like the indoor lumber yard at Home Depot, just to give you the full vision. Tuesday they spent sanding the floor more but with a finer paper so there was even more dust than before which I didn't think was possible. Anytime I touched a wall, counter, anything, I was covered in dust. I spent the entire Tuesday in the basement with the dogs. Wednesday rolled around and they did the final sanding detals on the floor. I spent some of the day in the basement and the rest wandering around Columbus trying to keep myself busy. They also stained the floor that day and the color was beautiful! Thursday came and I had to be out of the house all day because of the sealent. It had a very strong odor and the man applying it had to wear a gas mask. I spent Thursday in target, home depot and bed bath and beyond. I was exhausted. WE stayed in a hotel that night, it was just down the street from us.

In between all of this going on, we managed to hangout with one of my close friends and her husband. it was so nice to see them!  I also, was lent a sewing machine from a friend from work.  I played around with it some and ended up making a cute pillow from an old scrub top.  Who knew I could sew (well, a pillow at least)?  With my new found skill, I have decided to make the baby bedding for this LO (whose name is now Carter).  His room is going to be a slate grey (dark ash according to the Behr paint we picked) and white.  Very contemporary.  It will have little owls and the accent colors are to be teal and a lime green of sorts.  Hard color to describe.  With the help of my friends, I picked up the fabric and materials I need and will start on it soon!

Back to Friday, Andy was off all day and it was also the final day the floors were finished.  Andy and I had been planning a child-free date night for a while and we decided to go bowling (for the second time that week) with some friends.  We had a great night, went out to eat and then went to listen to a live band.  In between bowling and going out to eat we stopped by the house to let the pups out and saw our newly finished floors for the first time.  Gorgeous!!!!  Money well spent in my opinion.

After listening to the band, we got back to our hotel room just around 1am.  THAT is the LATEST I have stayed up since at least July. HAHA.  About 30 minutes later, the fire alarm in the hotel goes off but shuts off about 1 minute later.  Tired and confused Andy called the front desk who told us that the whole third floor was filled with smoke.  2 seconds later (we were on the 2nd floor) we had all of our stuff in our suit case and went down to the lobby.  Tired, pregnant and irritated, I find out, someone had released a fire extinguisher upstairs (which is the smoke they thought they saw).  At that point, we left and went home.  So much for a great end to a great night. Blek.

That whole week made me feel home sick.  I got tired of eating out, sitting in the cold basement and ultimately missing Cameron.  I am SO glad it's over!

Its Been A While!

It's been quite awhile since I've updated my blog. I aplogized for that, as you all know these past few weeks have been such a blur! I was off work for about a week and a half and I feel like I have never worked so hard in my life! On the 22nd of December, I had my first doctors appointment with maternal fetal medicine. I had been there once before, when I was hospitalized with Cameron before he was born. The ultrasound technology that they have is incredible and they are VERY thorough. We got to find out the wonderful news, we are officially having another boy! I am absolutely ecstatic (and slightly financially releaved). We went that day and bought his first outfit. We did the same when Cameron was born. It's now sort of a tradition. The ultrasound that I had took about 40 minutes and we got a lot of great pictures. Its always funny to me to see their little faces because they look so creepy on ultrasound! I told the ultrasound tech I felt like I had a little alien inside and she laughed and probably thought I was crazy...which I might be...
That same week,the day before actually, I had my first progesterone shot. It didn't hurt initially like I had thought but the nurse that gave it to me rubbed the injection site for what seemed to be forever. Two hours later, it felt like I had skid across concrete. My injection site burned like I had never felt before! Luckily, that only lasted a day. The next day I had the typical bruise at the injection site but that was it. Christmas went well, we had a lot of fun opening gifts with Cameron. He is finally old enough now to understand opening presents, his attention span however isn't as mature so once he opened one gift it was all we could do to get him to move on to the next one. We spent Christmas day with my family and had dinner with them. That weekend was also the same weekend we had all of our furniture/belongings moved into the basement in preparation for the floors being refinished. What a task. It was very strange to see the house because it looked like we were moving out...until you looked in my basement. At that point, it looked like a very messy/confused family lived in there.